Mercy

Psalm 145:9
The Lord is good to all, And His tender mercies are over all His works.

It's not always easy to understand why God allows us to go through trials. I was expecting our 5th child, and two weeks ago we lost the baby. The flood of emotions that came over me the first few hours after realizing that I was miscarrying was overwhelming. It was so fast, powerful, and hurtful that I can't really even begin to put it into words. I was drowning in feelings of confusion, guilt, and isolation. I was losing a child that I hadn't even begun to get to know. This child that I was supposed to be taking care of and giving a safe home to hadn't lived more than 7 weeks. What had I done wrong? I slept through two days trying to avoid the pain, but as I laid in bed I prayed. At first I didn't even know what to pray for, I was just in silent communication with God. Then, I started praying for peace. When I first felt the peace that I was looking for, I thought that I had this peace because my baby was going to be okay. In reality, I experienced "the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding". Despite the fact that my baby had died, I still felt at peace. This is not to say that I was happy or even that I wasn't devastated beyond belief, just that the peace of God transcended my deepest pain and sorrow.

Over time, I hope to share what God has been doing in my heart and life as a result of our loss. For now though, I would like to memorialize my sweet little baby.

Mercy Amanda Aiken
October 1, 2011
Her life was brief, but the effect was beautiful.