It's almost time

May is here.  This was supposed to be Mercy's birth month.  We're getting closer to the day that I'm trying not to think about, but dreading just the same.  Mercy's due date.  How do I even begin to mourn the loss of significance this day now has.  Instead of welcoming a new baby, we will be...well, I have no idea.  Nothing special.  We will go about our normal lives and no one will even know about the excruciating pain I am feeling.

I am also dreading the coming of the end of May because that is when Andris will turn 16.  Just a few days after Mercy's due date, on May 29th, Andris will become unadoptable.  His new family finished their paperwork in record time and they are just waiting for a referral.  If that referral comes before Andris turns 16, then his age won't be an issue.  If not, then Andris will be sent from his orphanage to live in a transitional home.  If they do not receive a referral in the next 28 days, he will not be coming home.

This thought terrifies me.  The more I learn about orphans in Eastern Europe, the more I realize how bleak their futures are and how terrible their lives.  I have rested in the thought that because of Mercy's death, Andris was being saved from this existence.  If he does not get to come home, then what was the purpose of losing Mercy?  I can't believe that God would open doors, arrange meetings, and disable vehicles just to result in running out of time.  I have to trust that God has his perfect timing and loves Andris just as much as I do.